Good Enough
by KaseyVanilla
Summary: Maura has a terrible relationship record. Will she find someone good enough for her or is she destined to live a lonely life because she deserves better than she can find? I'm no good at summaries, give it a try?
1. Chapter 1

Authors note:  
>Well, hi…<br>This is my first Rizzoli&Isles fanfic and my first fanfic in a very long time. I'm rusty…  
>I know that the characters are a little OOC, and I'll try to improve in the next chapters\stories.<br>Reviews will be very helpful so I'll be able to know what I'm doing wrong

Also, English isnt my first language, so if I have grammar and spelling mistakes I beg your pardon.

The characters don't belong to me, all credit goes to TNT, Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and Jan Nash

So… lets start?

**-R&I-**

**Mauras POV**

_"He is not good enough for you, and definitely not worth your tears, Maur…"  
><em>That was the same line Jane told me every time that some guy I dated broke up with me, usually because of the fact that he couldn't stand the fact that I spent most of my day at work surrounded by the dead.

This time, his name is Benjamin Michaels.  
>He is two years younger than me, an inteligent man and successful engineer.<p>

We've been dating for a longer more than six months, the longest relationship I had for the past few years. He was the perfect man, the one that every woman would dream to have by her side.

He used to send me flowers and take me to all my favorite restaurants. Sometimes when I got home late because of a case we were working on, he made sure to wait for me with a warm dinner.

Homemade dinner, and I must say that he wasn't only a successful engineer, but he had outstanding cooking skills too. We haven't officially moved in together but he had a key to my place, and to be honest I do believe he spent more time at my house than at his own apartment.

Not that it bothered me, I loved the fact that I could come in and call "honey, I'm home" when I got back from work and get other response than the sound of Bass scratching the wooden floor, slowly crawling to his food bowl waiting for me to feed him his British strawberries.

Everything was great, and even beyond that until we went to a cocktail party with his colleagues. When he introduced me, he said I was a doctor and I immediately corrected him ' The chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts'.

Funny, now when I think about it I never minded Jane to call me a doctor when she needed me to stitch her or to fix her broken nose when she refused to go to the hospital. I never correced her on that.

"So, you work with dead people?" his colleagues used to ask me. "No, I work with very alive people to solve the murders of now dead people." I got irritated by these questions and I could see the discomfort Benjamin felt as he tried to change the subject.  
>That was the last time we went out with his friends.<p>

One Friday night I invited him to go out and have a few drinks with Jane and the guys after solving a hard case that seemed to last forever. I can't say I was complete disaster, but it was a little awkward and he felt slightly out of place so we never did that again either.  
>Even though I tried to invite him again but he always seemed to have other plans.<p>

At first I wasn't concerned, I thought maybe he just wanted to spend alone time with me, now I get how uncomfortable he felt around my friends and co-workers.

Last night after we came back from the theater, he settled us a bubble bath with candles, expensive champagne and red sweet cherries. We took our time, relaxing in the hot water before we moved into my bedroom. He gently laid me on my bed, while he started kissing me all the way down from my lips to my neck, lower to the collarbone and to my breasts.

He stayed there for a couple of minutes, got up of bed and started getting dressed. "I can't do this anymore Maura, I kiss you and I can feel the taste of death in my mouth. I know it's psychological, but even now I can smell the morgue on your skin."

I was out of words, we've been together for a long time, and he never said he was bothered by my job.

"I'm in no position to make you choose between your career and me, and even if I did so I know you'd choose your job. And it's fine, but I really can't live with it anymore."

Then he just left me lying naked on my bed and walked out of my door, out of my life.

_The Queen of the Dead is alone again. Why I'm not even surprised? _

It was another Friday night spent in Jane's apartment…

"Maura, are you listening to me?" I guess I was lost in thoughts.

"Let me get you another glass of wine, we'll eat tons of ice cream and today it's your turn to choose the movie. So we'll watch any documentary you want." Jane said with a wink.

I knew she was trying to help but I wasn't in the mood for a movie night, or anything at all.  
><em>Why do I always end up alone? Shouldn't I be used to it at this point? I mean, I was alone for most of my<em> _life, and I was ok with it… was I? _

Jane seemed to read my mind. She hugged me and began her "you deserve much better than that" lecture I already knew by heart.

I could feel the tears burning in my eyes and drank my glass of wine with by one sip, hoping I could make the pain go away as I raise the alcohol degrees in my blood.

"Did you know that 43% of unmarried women after 35 find themselves alone? And the chance to find a man decreases by 0.7% per year until they reach the age of forty, and after that the annual decreasing is…"

Jane took my hand in hers and started rubbing it gently. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, full of confusion, sympathy and… love? "Maybe it's true, I can never argue with that big brain of yours and your google mouth, but remember you are not just any other woman, you are Maura Isles. You are smart, beautiful, caring, spectacular woman. And anyone who can't see what I see when I look at you doesn't deserve you."

We were so close to each other, and maybe it's the wine that clouded my mind or it was reaction to her words, maybe both, but I was really tempted to close the distance between us. Instead I just pulled back.

"Yes, also I am Dr. Death. And the men I dated weren't excited by the fact I spend my days with the corpses on my table"

That was harsh but I was so angry. Angry with the men I dated, and most of all angry with myself for letting it get under my skin. And what if Jane's right, and I just 'date with idiots" as she says? Well, if that's true, I have one more reason to be angry with myself…

"So are you saying I'm destined to live a lonely life because I deserve better than I can find?" _I don't want to spend my life alone, I had more than enough loneliness till now._

"That's not what I meant, and you will never be alone. You have Ma, and Tommy and Frankie, both of them love you just a little too much… you have your parents, Frost and Korsak, and of course you have are not alone Maura."

"I know, but sometimes it is not enough. Sometimes I want more. I want to come back home and have someone waiting for me, I want to share my king size bed with someone, I want to sit on my porch with somebody, watch our kids play and grow old together…" _I want to be made love to, not just be someone's meaningless sex interest…_

Jane didn't know what to say, and I didn't give her time to find an answer as I got up off her couch and made my way to the door.

"I think I'll just go home now, I'm too drunk to drive so I'll call a cab. See you on Monday."

**-R&I-**

Okay, that was the first chapter…  
>Good? Bad? Should I continue?<br>As I said, reviews are more than welcome (:


	2. Chapter 2

I'm kind of proud of myself here… I wanted to publish the first chapter of this story for long time but didn't have the courage.  
>I forgot to mention it before but the story will definitely be Rizzles (:<p>

_**Thank you**_ for your reviews, it really gives motivation to post another chapter.

Again, the characters are not mine.

**-R&I-**

**Janes POV**

_What the hell just happened?!_

"There is no way I'm letting you take a cab alone at night. The last time you did so you were accused for murder you didn't commit."

_And I don't think I'll survive if anything like that happens to you ever again._

I watched Maura as she stopped at the door, hesitating for a moment.  
>"Oh come on, I'll take the couch so you can take the bed to yourself, and I even changed the sheets today. You can't miss such an opportunity." <em>Good job Rizzoli, at least now she has a smile on her face.<em>

"Thank you Jane, but there is no need for you to sleep on the couch because of me. We shared a bed plenty of times, but if you feel uncomfortable I'll sleep in the living room, it's your house after all."

_Ok, what is going on here? Why she thinks I'm uncomfortable when she was the one to almost run out the door two minutes ago?_

"No thanks needed, I see you're not in the mood for a sleepover and you look exhausted. I think I'll stay up a little longer and watch a movie, which means I'll crash in front of the television anyway. Do you want a cup of your panda poop tea before you go to sleep?"

"No, I'll just go to bed. Goodnight Jane."

As Maura was doing her night routine I grabbed another beer and sat down trying to find something to watch. It was harder than I thought. Unbelievable, hundreds of channels and still nothing worth watching.

Finally I gave up and stopped on something that seemed to be a pointless chick flick. So predictable, you can know how the film will end after watching it for about ten minutes. But that's what I needed, something playing in the background, easy to understand without paying much attention. God knows I already have too much on my mind.

_Maura. How can an amazing woman like her pull to herself such scumbags? It hurts so much to see her_ _hurt like this._

Two beers and more than half a film later, the main character is finally noticed by her love interest. Why can't life be like those ridiculous romantic comedies? They always have good endings. _Whoa Rizzoli, slow down with the alcohol before you turn soft here._

What is wrong with people? How can they miss something that's right there in front of their eyes?

Maura… My sweet, adorable Maura. I wonder if there is someone in the world that will be good enough for her, that will love her for who she id and not because of the money and the looks. _You mean yourself? Who are you kidding, what can she find in a blue collar detective? What can you possibly give her?_

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a few quiet but heartbreaking sobs that unfortunately didn't come from the television.

I rushed to the bedroom and found Maura sitting in the dark, crying with her head buried in her hands. Without turning on the light I made my way the bed and sat beside her. She was so lost in her emotional storm that she didn't even notice me until I held her in my arms.

I could feel her body tense under my touch. "Jane?" she asked. Maura sighed heavily before another sob escaped her mouth.

"Yeah, of course it's me. Who else could it be?" I tried to joke and placed what I hope was a comforting kiss on her temple. "Sorry if I scared you… what happened, why are you crying?"

"You didn't scare me, I just didn't hear you come in. Did I wake you up? I'm sorry, I didn't…"

After my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could see the trails of tears on her face. _How could she be so beautiful even without make up, even after she cried her soul out?_

"Please don't finish what you wanted to say, there is nothing to apologize for. I was still awake when I heard you. Why didn't you call me?" _Don't you trust me to come when you need me?_

"It was just a bad dream, nothing to worry about. I didn't want to bother you with something so minor." And she was crying again… "The last thing I want right now is to be a burden on you so you too get sick of me and…"

I looked at Maura like she had lost her mind. How could she possibly thing I would ever leave her? I turned on the night lamp and turned Maura's head to face me.

"Look at me Maur. I need you to listen to me and let me finish what I have to say. Can you do that for me?" I continued after she nodded in response "Nothing about you is minor to me, definitely not something that made you cry like that. You aren't a burden and will never be one, you are my best friend and you mean the world to me."

She put her head on my shoulder, I could feel her still wet eyelashes on my neck, her unsteady breaths tickling my skin and went on "I'm here for you every time of day and night for anything you need. I came to you when I had nightmares about Hoyt, when I was upset because of the whole Casey mess, when my family drove me crazy and just after hard days at work. You were always here for me, let me do the same for you, don't shut me out." _If I can't take your pain away at least share it with me…_

Maura continued to sob while I was holding her, rocking us gently and drawing circles on her back.

"I'll get you a glass of water so you can relax a little and we'll talk about everything…" I say and squeeze her just a bit harder before letting go.

I came back with the water and gave it to Maura, who whispered a small thank you. "Jane, I've told you, you have nothing to worry about. It was just a silly dream…"

"Tell me." _Please…_

She took a deep breath and started "In my dream it was on Thanksgiving Day. The table could be hardly seen with all the food on it but I had no one to share it with. The empty chairs occupied by the fainted and yet still lingering presence of the people who should be there. The house seemed to be bigger and all I could hear was heavy silence."

The sadness in her eyes was tearing my heart, just before I said anything Maura started speaking again. "Before you say it, I know I have you and your family, I do for now, but for how long? Sooner or later you'll get married and have your own family, I won't get to see you so often. You know what I'm most afraid of? I'm afraid of dying alone, so no one will even notice for days, maybe weeks. What if no one even comes to my funeral?"

"Maura, you are not making any sense right now. And believe me, it's too early to think about your funeral. As for the other thing, I think you meant to say our family, you are part of it. They won't leave you alone even if you wanted it, believe me and the years of experience I have. And as far as I'm concerned I'm not even dating anyone, so thinking about my wedding is a little early too…" _and even if I am married I'll always have time for you_, though I didn't say that out loud.

"I'm sorry I ruined our movie night and killed your mood."

What can I do to make her stop apologizing for nothing? "You didn't ruin anything. I prefer spending time with you over anything else. About my mood… I just hate seeing you so upset. We'll bring back that big smile on your pretty face and everything will be ok."

Maura seemed to calm down, her tiredness taking over, she tried to hide a small yawn escaping her mouth.

"Let's try to get some sleep. We can talk more over breakfast if you'd like. How does it sound?"

"Perfect. Goodnight Jane…" she said and placed a kiss on my cheek_. Keep your affection at bay, it was just a friendly kiss goodnight… but it still feels so good. _

We silently agreed that I'm staying with her tonight. I put my arm around her and pulled her closer to me. Maura fell asleep in no time, but I was just lying there thinking about my life before I met Maura. Life without Maura. _Now, when I know what it's like having her in my life there is no way I'm living without her. There is no way I'm giving up on her. _

**-R&I-**

Thank you for your time (:


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note:  
>It's me again, finally. After being with me for about nine years my computer died. With half of this chapter written in it… Fortunately I'm a paranoid and I keep backup on almost anything so I didn't lose the chapter, but it was hard finding time to write on my father's computer… I should get mine on Sunday or Monday, so it will be easier for me to update sooner this time.<br>We are getting closer to Rizzles, yay (:

As always, the characters don't belong to me, or we wouldn't need fanfiction…

Reviews are always welcome :)

**-R&I-**

Jane was lying awake. She was still thinking about their conversation, trying to reassure herself that there is no way Maura and her will ever be too far apart, but the more she thought of it the more scared she became. The detective kept lying for what seemed to be hours until she realized she won't be able to sleep. She decided to go for a run and then prepare something to eat.

Maura woke up to an empty bed. Her head hurt a little and her eyes felt heavy because of the crying. As the events of last night came back to her she started feeling embarrassed for her emotional breakdown.

After finishing her morning routine, the honey blond made her way to the kitchen to make some coffee and talk to her friend who, judging by the mess and the noises, was trying to prepare breakfast.

"Good morning…"

"Oh, hey Maur… I heard you shower so I made you coffee. Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes. How did you sleep?"

The doctor couldn't help but smile. Looking around the room once more she saw nothing that looked like what Jane would eat for breakfast. No bacon and fried eggs or anything full of cholesterol, but a balanced healthy meal of boiled eggs, green salad, some light cheese, dark bread toasts and.. pomegranate juice? Saying it was unexpected would be a huge understatement.

"I slept well, thank you. And since you already brought up the subject I want to ap…"

She was cut by the detective "Didn't I tell you not to apologize for your feelings? It's okay to be upset one in a while, we all have our moments." There was the famous Rizzoli grin on the dark haired woman's face. "Come sit down…" she said with a growing smile that showed her beautiful dimples.

Maura sat as the other woman served them the food. They ate without saying a word, but the silence between them wasn't awkward, it has never been…

After finishing breakfast the honey blond volunteered to wash the dishes saying "it's only fair after you made this fantastic breakfast".

"Maybe for the first time in my life I woke up earlier than you, and I wanted do something nice for you so…" she played with the scars on her hands and didn't make eye contact when she said it.

Jane Rizzoli was nervous, it's something that rarely happened. "Maur…" Jane started hesitatingly, "last night when you were about to leave you said 'see you on Monday'… Aren't you coming to family dinner today?"

"No, I think a change of atmosphere would be good for me so I decided to spend the rest of the weekend out of town."

The hurt was evident on the brunette's face. "When were you going to tell me?"

Since Maura and Jane became close friends Rizzoli family dinner at Maura's became a rarely broken tradition, that the only reasonable excuse to get away from it was work.

"I was going to tell you now, and call your mother to let her know too…"

"Do you min.. Can I join you? Two days out of town could be good for the both of us…" but then she blushed and muttered "sorry, I just realized it must have been your polite way to say you need some space…"

There was a strange look in those big brown eyes… was it sadness? But why?

"Of course you _may_ come…" she said with a smile. How could she say no to Jane?

They decided to meet at Maura's in an hour, after both of them finished packing. Jane knew her friend long enough to know there is no way she is going to be ready in such short time, so she made a stop at the grocery store, for the second time that day, to buy something for dinner.  
>She let herself in to the blonde's house, carrying a small backpack with some clothes, swimsuit and PJs.<p>

Jane was wearing knee length light jeans and black tank top. They were going to a beach house Maura owned not far from Boston, and speaking of whom.. "Maura, come on! You should have been ready twenty minutes ago… I even had time to buy groceries on my way. Though I didn't get any wine, thought you would like to choose it yourself…"

At that moment Maura came down the stairs with a huge suitcase and a shy smile on her face, looking absolutely stunning in her yellow flowery sun dress. "Sorry I made you wait. I had a trouble closing my suitcase, the zipper was stuck… never mind."

"What the hell do you have in there? We are going away only for two days!"  
><em>'Suitcase, for two days… a whole suitcase. Unbelievable…'<em> Jane thought to herself.

The doctor took some wine and the two women made their way to the car.

Since Maura way the one who knew the way and Jane didn't get much sleep last night, the blonde was the one to drive. Not that the detective didn't try to argue, but she was too tired to listen to Maura's statistics and explanations to how slower reactions become because lack of sleep.  
>"Okay, you win this time. But if you are driving I'm choosing the music!" and with that the dark haired detective put a CD in the stereo system. "Don't worry, there is nothing too heavy in here, just some classic rock ballads… Bon Jovi, Aerosmith and such." Not that it mattered because Maura wasn't sure she knew who they were…<p>

Jane fell asleep almost immediately and Maura continued driving, turning the volume a little lower so her friend can rest but never turning the music off. She never noticed until now but there was something very passionate in Jane's music. The powerful voices singing such gentle worlds, the drums and guitars setting the rhythm of the song just as the heart beats pumping the blood in our bodies and setting the rhythm of life.

About an hour later Jane woke up as she felt the car stop. "Why didn't you wake me up? I should have kept you company… and you know you could put you music, I wouldn't really mind…" she said when she recognized the last notes of "Angie" by the Rolling Stones.

"You needed to rest. And I found your music to be quite refreshing actually…" Maura said with a smile.

"Ha! I knew you secretly love my music." The detective teased her a little. "Maybe one day I'll take you to a rock concert…"

Jane brought the grocery bags and Maura's suitcase form the car and the doctor immediately started unpacking, afraid that her clothes might wrinkle. "Maur, why did you think you'll need 6 pairs of shoes? No wonder you had to fight your suitcase. Actually I'm surprised you even managed to close it. And that dress? You didn't say anything about going out…" now Jane was worried that maybe her friend had other plans and she was getting in her way by being here with Maura.

It's like the M.E was reading her mind, "I didn't know you wanted to cook tonight so I brought something in case we'll go out for dinner."

"Even if we are out of Boston, it's still a Rizzoli dinner. I know my cooking skills can't be compared to my mother's but I promise not to burn your kitchen. If it's too bad we can order something or go out as you planned." And with that Jane sent Maura to take a shower and rest.

It was a little bit after 5 PM, dinner was almost ready. Shower- done. Time to wake Maura up…

Maura was peacefully sleeping in the middle of the bed, half covered by the blanket. Her blond curls covering most of her face. Jane caught herself staring her for some time, almost not wanting to disturb the sleeping beauty in front of her.

"Hey sleepy head, time to wake up… Take your time to get ready and I'll set the table."

The blonde opened her eyes with a big smile on her face, "okay, I won't be long…"

"Great, because I'm hungry"

Being hungry as well, Maura broke her own record in getting ready really fast. Well, at least very fast for her. She chose a dark pair of skinny jeans, red blouse and black flat shoes. Some light make up and tied her hair in a loose bun. Comfortable and beautiful at the same time.  
>Half an hour later she came sown to the dining room, surprised for the second time today. The table was set, full of her favorite Italian dishes. Ravioli in mushroom sauce, potato and bacon pie with small touch of apples and a roasted leg of lamb. There also was a greek salad and a bottle of red wine in the middle of the table.<p>

"Jane, it looks delicious! I didn't know you could cook like that…"

"Wait with the compliments until you taste it. Being my mother's daughter and not knowing how to cook is impossible, but I don't like as she does and didn't do it for ages so I might be a little rusty."

They kept a light conversation while eating, trying to decide what to do later. "How about we take a walk on the beach? Then we can watch a movie since last night we…" Maura said, feeling embarrassed once again.

"Sounds like a plan to me. You want to eat desert now or after we come back?"

"I'm actually full, do desert could wait a little."

It was getting dark by the time the two women left the house so they agreed to take a short walk. "You should have brought Jo Friday with you, she would love running on the sand."

"Yeah, but she hates cars, she would bark all the way till we all lose our minds."

Not wanting to get to far from the house they sat down on the sand, facing the sea, feeling the wind blowing in their hair. They were silent, listening to the waves crashing and Jane could hear Maura starting to breathe heavily.

"Penny for your thoughts? Tell me what is going on in that big brain of yours"

Maura took Jane by surprise when she hugged her, "I was just thinking how glad I am that you're here. I don't know what I would do here alone."

"I'm glad to be here with you. And you know that all you have to do is ask, and I'll do whatever you wish…"

"I'm not good at asking things, you know that…" the doctor said with such sadness in her voice that Jane could feel her heart breaking. Maua tried to let go of Jane but the detective pulled her closer, whispering in her ear, "Then I guess we'll have to work on that."

"I'm not sure if I believe in karma, but at times I do, I can't stop wondering what have I done to deserve you. Somehow you make me feel like I belong somewhere for the first time in my life, like I have life beyond my work, that I can be just Maura and not Dr. Isles sometimes." Jane could feel Maura trembling, knowing she tries as hard as she can to stop her tears from falling.

"Sometimes I wonder just the same. We met not long after my first incident with Hoyt. After that I didn't let anyone in, but you just came and blew my walls away like they weren't even there. I pushed my family away and buried myself in work, trying to stay busy, not to think, not to feel. Until you came." Jane took a deep breath, letting the words sink in Maura's mind and continued, "We know each other for years now, and I've seen you break down too many times by now. I know it's a cliché, but I can't help but wonder where the hell is your mister right? someone worthy for you… and it makes me so mad to hear how you blame yourself, saying you are too socially awkward and you don't know how to make a relationship last. How can't you see how adorable you are? Sometimes you are goofy but in a good way, funny and smart, you know everything about anything and can hold a conversation on any subject... your beautiful smile and contagious laughter. Don't you notice all this?  
>I know I'm not the one you need to hear it from, but I can't stand in the corner watching you hurt and not try and do anything about it."<p>

"Thank you Jane…"

"No thanks needed, but what for?"

"For being who you are… Let's go and eat desert?"

Once back in the house the doctor was trying to choose something to watch and Jane was doing something in the kitchen. She came to the living room with a bottle of beer and a glass of wine for Maura. "Maur, we have ice cream and my mother's Cannoli, what would you like?"

"Your mother's Cannoli of course." She answered smiling. "By the way, how did your mother react when you told her you won't be at family dinner as well?"

"She wasn't happy, but she also saw how upset you were and she would kick my ass if I wasn't here with you. "

"Language. And she wouldn't do such thing…" said the amused doctor.

"It's her own words, don't blame me. Call her if you don't believe me… she loves you like you were her daughter you know"

_*earlier the same day…*  
>After calling Angela to let her know she was going with Maura, Jane came by her mother's guest house to say hi before going to Maura's. Angela was in the middle of cooking, so she didn't have time for long chats so she went straight to business "How many times do you want to see her like that until you act on your feelings?"<br>Jane just stared at her, not sure she heard correctly what her mother was saying.  
>"Or you are waiting for someone to come and steal her away from you? A mother always knows, Janie… And even blind can see how you dance around each other, waiting for the other one to make the first move…"<br>The dark haired woman sighed, "I love her, but she could never feel the same way. She needs someone from her class, someone who can give the world to her. I can't do this Ma." Her voice cracking and her eyes full of desperation.  
>"Sweetie, didn't I teach you anything? Life isn't only about money. I'm sure Maura knows it as well. And besides, she dated "people of her class" as you call them, and we all saw how it ended…"<br>Jane still couldn't believe she was having this conversation, with her mother of all people, her very catholic mother. "How come you're not only okay with me dating a woman, but also pushing me to do it?"  
>"It's not just a woman; it's Maura we are talking about. And you can't chose who you love. Don't give up your chance to be happy, and don't ruin hers as well." Jane may be stubborn, but Angela wasn't any better. In fact, guess where the detective got her stubbornness from…<br>"I can't lose her as a friend Ma, and I really have to go…" she knew there is no way the blonde was ready, or else she would have called, but she didn't feel like having this talk right now. "I hope you're not angry I'm missing dinner."  
>"If you stayed here I would kick you all the way to her. Now go, and thing about what I said." Angela said and gave her daughter a small box with cannolies, "Here is something sweet for the two of you…"<em>

Jane didn't tell Maura about the whole conversation with her mother, only the end of it.

"You know, it's funny that you don't like to cook and yet you did it twice for me today." The doctor said teasing. "It was really good by the way, be careful or I could get used to it."

"I wish you would…" Jane thought to herself.

"You… what?"

_Oh shit, I can't believe I said it out loud. _"I… nothing. I'm going to get another beer. Want a refill?" she ran to the kitchen, trying to avoid Maura for as long as she can.

**-R&I-**

Thank you for reading…!

Parts of what Jane said to Maura on the beach is what I said to my best friend a week ago. After dating a guy for a year, she found out he was cheating on her. I have feelings for her since we met about 3 years ago… We got drunk that night and I found her lips less than inch away from mine. It took so much resistance from my side to turn my head away :( I'm such a mess.


	4. Chapter 4

Short authors note before we start… I'm sorry it took me so long to update. With all the mess I have to deal with right now most of the time I really don't feel like writing. Poor Jane, being in love with your best friend is hard, believe me I know. But there will be a good ending for her so don't worry too much.  
>I don't know when I'll update again; hate promising something I can't keep so I won't make any promises at all…<p>

The characters are not mine as usually…

**-R&I-**

_How could I be so stupid?_

Meanwhile, Maura just sat there, thinking if she understood right what happened a few moments ago. Did Jane say what the doctor thinks she said, could it be? The honey blonde didn't like guessing, and she wasn't good at it either. The only way to find out is talking to the detective.  
>Maura slowly made her way to the kitchen. Jane was standing with her back to her, gripping the counter so hard that her knuckles turned white.<p>

The detective heard her friend coming. Not ready to face her yet, without turning back, "could you please give me a moment?" she asked.

"Jane…"

"Please Maur… I just…" _just what? Can't keep my mouth shut?_ Her voice sounded lower than usual, like something was stuck in her throat and didn't let her voice come out naturally. "I really need a moment right now." She finished.

The honey blonde didn't want to give up but she knew that pushing her friend into the corner won't do any good in this situation, so she poured herself another glass of wine and turned back to the living room. "Okay Jane, I'll go and find something to watch, join me when you're ready." And she left.

About forty minutes of pacing in the kitchen later, after bottle and half of beer and few shots of tequila she found, the dark hair detective finally made her way back to the living room. She found her friend, still trying to find a movie.

"Found anything yet?" she asked, trying to come as far as she could from talking about what was said earlier.

"I don't know… Did you have something in mind?" to tell the truth, she didn't care at all right now, she just wanted to see if her assumption was right. "Jane, you were the one that said we can talk about anything… Just tell me."

Realizing Maura wouldn't take no as an answer, she took a deep breath. And another one, and one more… "I really don't know where to start… I don't think there is a right time to tell you something like that, but I think it's the worst timing ever. Can't we just forget it?" the honey blonde shook her head no and Jane who was too drunk to stop herself went on, "I have feelings for you. I have them for years now, and I can't wait until you find your prince charming so maybe I'll be able to let it go seeing how happy you are with him. I love you, Maura, and I hate to see you this hurt when there is nothing I can do. I hate seeing you with someone else, I hate hoping this someone is the one when I want you for myself, and most of all I hate not knowing if I should be happy after you break up because he won't take you away from me or to cry with you."

If she was one to guess, Maura would think Jane was about to tell she had a crush on her, but being in love? It was a little shocking.  
>Or maybe not.<p>

The doctor sat quietly, lost in her thoughts, not knowing what to reply or how long she sat there without saying a word. If she was completely honest, she did think about how it would be having a romantic relationship with the detective, but never with too much seriousness, thinking it could never be.  
>Seeing her friend so quiet, Jane started to panic, "I told you we should forget about it. I've ruined, now it will be awkward between us and I'm going to lose the best friend I ever had…"<p>

"Jane…"

Tears were streaming down Jane's eyes, unable to control her emotions any longer she was pouring unstoppable rant out of her mouth, "I really didn't mean to tell you any of this…"

"Jane…" the doctor tried again but still with no success to get her friends attention.

"It just slipped out. I guess it was too much for me keeping it a secret for so long… and it's all Ma's fault 'tell her how you feel' yeah, since when listening to her is a good idea?" she was talking more to herself than Maura now…

"You told your MOTHER and didn't tell ME?" she said it a little louder than she intended and maybe sounded a little angry, because now Jane had a scared look in her eyes. Maura wasn't really angry, she was just confused… "Why didn't you tell me, Jane?" she asked softly this time.

Jane, who until now was walking in circles in the living room, stopped looking more defeated than Maura ever saw her. Not trusting herself to look at the blonde in front of her, "I didn't want you to hate me. I guess it's too late now." She said looking at the floor.

Maybe it's the alcohol or the emotional breakdown. Or it could be the two of them together. Suddenly the room was spinning, her eyesight went black and Jane felt herself falling.

She felt so warm, so relaxed. She didn't want this feeling to end. It was like floating, covered with soft wadding clouds. The cool wind caressing her face, lightly bowing her hair. So quiet, so peaceful… it's the way she imagined heaven inside her head, but if it's heaven she must be... no she can't be. Could she?  
>The detective could hear a voice from far away but couldn't make out the words. The voice was getting closer yet she couldn't see anyone.<p>

"Jane… honey, can you hear me?" the voice was so beautiful and gentle. If it is heaven maybe she can hear the angels singing. Here it is again, it sounds so familiar. Jane tries to answer but she can't make any sound.

"Jane, please wake up…" She knew this voice. It's Maura…  
>Maura is heaven…<br>Maura… all the events were slowly coming back to her. She stayed with her eyes closed, trying to delay the moment when she has confront the reality. And the reality is that the honey blonde hates her now.  
>Her heaven slowly turning to hell.<p>

**-R&I-**

Shorter chapter this time, and I know it's not fair after the long wait but it felt right to end it here.  
>Hope the next chapter will be up soon and maybe it will get closer to Rizzles.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Well, this is the last chapter of the story. I wanted it to be two or three chapters longer but with everything that's been going on lately I don't feel like writing most of the time, and when I do I don't have the time or I'm too tired for this.  
>The lyrics mentioned in this chapter are from Dio's 'Don't talk to strangers', one of my favorite songs of all times.<p>

The thing with my best friend turned to hell. I didn't tell her anything about my feelings, but I'm sick of hearing her cry over her ex, and lately it's the only thing she talks about. Either that or she is judging me over anything I say and do… so we barely speak \: but maybe it's for the best…

**-R&I-**

"I didn't want you to hate me. I guess it's too late now."

The honey blonde didn't have time to say a word as Jane suddenly fell to the floor. Maura rushed to her friend, who hit her head on the table corner while falling, checking her for injuries. "Jane… honey, can you hear me?" nothing… the detective was lying in her arms breathing slowly.

A part of being a doctor is the ability not to panic and think rationally on emergency situations. Easier said than done, how can you stay calm when it's your best friend that faints in front of you?  
>Carefully Maura carried Jane to the bed. "Jane, please wake up…please" she didn't even realize she was crying.<p>

Luckily Jane didn't hit her head too hard but she wasn't waking up. Maura almost started panicking when she noticed a change in her friends breathing.

"Jane…"

And still, no response. Knowing her friend wasn't injured too badly and that her favorite solution to problems is running away and ignoring them, there can be only one explanation… "Come on Jane, I know you are faking."

"No I'm not. I'm sleeping, leave me alone." The detective said without opening her eyes. Feeling the soft pillows underneath her Jane realized she isn't in the living room anymore, "how did I get here?"

"You fell, but you're alright. I carried you here." Maura waited for Jane to say something, when she didn't the doctor continued, "I don't hate you, you know… and it doesn't have to be awkward between us unless you make it by trying to act like nothing happened."

"So we are ok?" Jane asked with doubt and hope mixed in her voice.

"We are more than that."

The two friends kept lying silently for some time. Maura didn't want to make Jane uncomfortable by staying, but she knew that if she'll leave the room the detective will misinterpret her action and think the honey blonde wanted to keep distance from her. Time went by and both women fell asleep, first each on her side of the bed but somehow in the middle of the night Maura was holding Jane in her arms.

-R&I-

_Something's wrong with me, _Jane thoughttoherself_, it's only 7:15 in the morning and I'm awake, and again_ _before Maura._

Suddenly Jane realized she was lying in Maura's arms.

_What I'm going to do now? I can't believe I told Maura I love her, now from all time, when I was drunk as hell… But God it feels so good not carrying that in me anymore and waking up with her, held by her…  
>Stop it Rizzoli, it COULD feel good waking up with her if you were WITH her, this will only make your heart break even more.<br>__"Don't write in starlight cause the words may come out real. Don't hide in doorways,  
>you may find<em>_the key__that opens up your soul. Don't go to heaven cause it's really only hell… Don't smell the__flowers, they're an evil drug to make you lose your mind. Don't dream of women cause they only bring you__down"_

This song was stuck in her head now but she couldn't remember how it's called. Anyway, the lyrics seem to be written about her.She kept lying there, treasuring the moment that won't have again until...

"Dollar for your thought?" a very awake Maura asked her.

"It's penny, Maura. Penny for your thoughts." The detective couldn't help but smile at her friends goofiness, "How long were you awake?"

"Long enough to know you are over thinking things. And by the way, I'm sure your thoughts worth more than a penny, so coffee for your thoughts?" This made Jane smile again and the doctor was proud of herself.

-R&I-

A little later, after both women took their morning shower, they were sitting outside each holding a large mug of coffee.

Maura couldn't stand the silence anymore. "I guess we had a bad luck with movie night this weekend…"

"Oh My God, did you just start a sentence with 'I guess'?" Jane said with mocking horror, "But yes, movie night turned out to be a complete disaster this week… Look, last night you said it doesn't have to be awkward between us, and what done is done, now you know but can we not talk about it anymore?"

"How long?" the doctor asked, completely ignoring her friend's request.

_How long? I think from the first moment we met I was drawn to her, but it took a lot of times almost losing_ _her to know I can't live without her in my life._ "I started to think about during our fight after I shot Doyle, I had friends and best friends before but I never felt that kind of pain when fought or our ways parted. The thought our friendship is over felt like the end of the world. I knew for sure after the night Dennis was going to make you his new statue…"

Both of them waiting silently for the other to say something, each one was lost in her own thoughts for a few minutes.

Again, Maura was the first to break the silence, "I wish you would tell me sooner…"

_Like it would change anything…_ Jane thought.

_It could be so much easier…_ Maura continued in her head.

-R&I-

The ride back to Boston was filled with small talks and light conversations about everything and nothing at the same time. Maura was driving so Jane was choosing the music again.

"What a great movie…" the dark haired woman said after listening to 'I don't want to miss a thing' by Aerosmith. Maura didn't know what she was talking about. "I can't believe you didn't watch Armageddon, it's classic. We are watching it next week."

"Deal… at least it will save us time looking for a movie." The honey blonde replied, happy that things were back to being normal between them.

Maura Isles was rarely wrong. This time was one of those rare times.

They got back to Boston at late afternoon. Jane went home after having another coffee at Maura's.

"See you tomorrow…"

"Bye Jane, I'll see you at work."

-R&I-

"Hey Rizzoli, I hope you had a good rest this weekend. We are stuck on this case with no leads at all…"

_Ohh too early for that kind of greeting. _"What is it Korsak?"

"Unknown female in her late twenties or early thirties was found dead in one of the warehouses, her body was soaked in salty water and burned afterwards. No DNA, no evidence, nothing. We are waiting for the crime lab to find something to begin with."

It felt like the longest week in Jane's years being a detective. Every lead on the case turned to be a dead end until they got a report about a missing woman who was last seen near the docks. After comparing the DNA from the hairbrush the mother gave them they identified the body, her name was Nicole Stevens. The husband wad rock solid alibi, there was no way he could be the killer. Another dead end.  
>The team was working nonstop, doing 24 to 36 hour shifts. Even Maura who always looked like she just got out of model photo shoots now had dark circled under her eyes, her hair was up in a messy bun and she stopped caring so much about wearing the same dress for longer than a day.<br>The case was solved after a friend of the victim told the detectives Nicole was having an affair. The man confessed in no time saying she refused the leave her husband and wanted to end their relationship, the situation got out of control, he hit her too hard and she died.

-R&I-

The three detectives and the M.E got the weekend of and decided to meet at the Robber after they get some sleep to celebrate.

When Maura entered the Robber she was Frost and Korsak but Jane was no where around. The detectives were reading her mind and immediately said "She must be sleeping. Her phone is off, we already tried to call her."

"Yeah, we should call her Grizzoli. Once she falls asleep there is no way to wake her up..."

The two women barely had time to speak because of the case, and the doctor waited for this evening to see her friend. When Jane didn't show up later this evening Maura could no longer hide her disappointment.  
>Frost went to get them another round of drinks and she was left alone with the elder detective.<p>

"What's up doc? Are you still upset because of this Benjamin Michaels guy?"

_Benjamin who?_ She almost forgot about him. And who could blame her after everything that happened lately? "Oh no, I'm just tired that's all. I thing I'll go home now if you excuse me."

*at the same time*

_Oh man, what is wrong with this beer? _Jane Rizzoli was sitting on her couch, watching a game of the Red Sox with a beer in her hand.  
><em>Strange, the expiring date seems to be long enough... great, I can't even enjoy my favorite drink at home. <em>

It's not that she was too tired to go out with the guys, she just didn't think being around Maura with alcohol was a good idea.

-R&I-

Once at home, the doctor found Angela Rizzoli in her kitchen. "Oh hi Maura, didn't think you'll be home so early. I was making myself tea, would you like some?"

The two women sat there in comfortable silence but it wasn't too long before the elder Rizzoli noticed that something is wrong. Maura Isles was like daughter to her, and a mother always knows when her children hurt.

"And where is Jane? Isn't it your girls night?"

"She's at home, said she was too tired to go out today."

The look in the honey blonde's eyes said it all. _'Now we know where Jane got her great detective skills from…' _Angela thought to herself. _Maura is upset, Jane is too tired to be with her? Bullshit! Unless… no, it couldn't be._

"You aren't fighting again, are you?"

"No, at least I don't think so." _Maura isn't upset, she looks devastated. It can only mean one thing…_

"She told you, didn't she?"

The doctor didn't really want to talk about it and tried to think of something to say without actually lying, but Angela already knew this tactic, "Don't forget the hives Maura. You're already breathing quickly… so, she finally told you?"

"Yes. And basically ran away afterwards…"

-R&I-

Now Jane was staring at the television without paying attention to it. She felt lonely, yet wanted to be alone tonight. The talking from the TV at the background made her feel like she had at least some kind of company.

The truth was the detective was miserable. At first she thought telling Maura would make things easier, maybe they could just laugh it off or something. And even though Maura said nothing had to change between them, Jane couldn't be around her without wondering what it would feel like to kiss her, hold her, make love to her… She needs her space now, she needs to stay away from Maura for some time, but how? This week was hard enough, and the detective didn't think it would get easier next week.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Wondering who could it be, Jane slowly made her way to the door.

Maura… not that unexpected. To tell the truth Jane wasn't even sure if she was happy to see her friend at the door, she missed her but on the other hand… Anyway it was too late not to open the door, the doctor must have heard her steps by now.

"Jane…" Maura started but was immediately cut off by the detective.

"What are you doing here?" She didn't look in her eyes when she asked it, she just couldn't.

"You've been ignoring me all week, and I… I miss my best friend."

Jane took a deep breath, like she is about to say something but remained quiet. She turned her back to Maura and went back to the couch. The detective took a few sips of her now warm beer, just to buy herself a little more time before she says what she had to say. Knowing Maura is waiting for her to say something she decides to bite the bullet, "You know, the problem is I don't know if I can be your friend anymore, I don't know if I'm strong enough to sit next to you and not to hold you, not to think how beautiful you are, not being delouse when you go out on a date while I sit alone wishing I was the one you take home to spend the night with… I can't, I just can't do this Maur…"

"And what if you don't have to?" Maura whispered in return, her words barely heard.

Surprised and almost sure she misheard what her friend said, Jane looked up at Maura, silently asking her to explain.

"What if I don't want to be your friend anymore?" the doctor continued with more confidence as she walked towards Jane, sitting next to her. Seeing the shock expression on Jane's face, she decided actions will be more beneficial, the doctor closed the remaining distance between them and kissed her friend tenderly.

It took Jane a few seconds to realize what had happened, but then she started kissing Maura back. It was the need of air that made them stop. The second their lips parted Jane understood what a big mistake she made_. "Maur, please don't…"don't what? Don't leave me? Don't break me? Don't… just don't…  
><em>"I don't want to have you for a night and live with this memory for the rest of my life, knowing how good you feel and not being allowed to hold you again…"

This time Jane was cut off by Maura, "I don't want to be your friend anymore, because I want us to be so much more. It took mo long enough to realize I couldn't live without you, but I'm finally here, now and forever, if you'll have me."

Jane couldn't believe it, she looked at her friend with a big smile on her face. Feeling she was back to herself but more alive than ever, the detective cupped Maura's face with her hands slowly leaning towards her she whispered in the blonde's ear "Did you really start a sentence with what if?"

"What?! Oh shut up Jane!" the honey blonde said before kissing Jane again.

"This week made me understand I was wrong waiting for Mr. Right when he doesn't exist for me, I was so busy staring at my window looking for him that I almost missed what was right in front of me this whole time. You are more than good enough for me, you are the best thing I ever had."

**-R&I-**

This was the last chapter… I wanted Jane to have a happy ending even if I won't get mine.  
>I want to thank all those who read, commented followed and favorite this story, you guys are great (:<p>

Also I apologize for waiting so long to update, as I said I really don't feel like writing lately, and it this chapter wasn't good it's because of that. I didn't want to leave this fic on hold for too long, so I decided to finish it here, though it was longer in my mind.

See you in my next story, and thank you again


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